Journal Entry
October, 1993
A Day of Transformation

I took off work early today to take CJ to the doctor. No big deal—follow-up after another ear infection. I picked him up at daycare, then off to Dr. Meier’s. When we finished, CJ wanted to walk back to the car. At 13 months, he wasn’t perfectly sure-footed nor was his pace close to the one I preferred. But, what the heck, it was a beautiful day (in Madison, WI) and there was no real need to be in a hurry (so why was I always in one)?

We walked around the block, through an old neighborhood split by a narrow road. The trees were hundreds of years old—oak mostly—hovering high above the houses forming an umbrella of cover over the street. As we walked, and I use that term loosely, I observed CJ as a scientist observes her research. While I walked and took notice of the trees, grass, houses, and flowers, CJ discovered them. He found that you can pick grass, throw it up in the air and it may fall on your head. Leaves are crunchy when you walk on them. Mums are beautiful flowers to smell, see, feel, and—wait a minute! Too late. Yes, you can taste them, too. He giggled, ran, fell, looked to me for reassurance. His happiness was irresistibly contagious. Now I get it! This is what parenthood is about…

It was then that I realized that, for me, full-time, high-stress work impacted how much I was able to enjoy my child in a way I didn’t like. I realized that these special moments are what having children was about for me. Sharing experiences and teaching through uncomplicated moments, playing, and letting him set the pace sometimes was important to me. It was time for me to make a change.

In the months and years that followed, I struggled with the changes I’d chosen to make. I tried part-time work, consulting from home, staying home full-time —nothing seemed the right fit.

As I journaled about the many issues that confused me, I began talking to other women. I realized something fascinating—we’re struggling with much the same things. Or have struggled. Or will be struggling with tomorrow.

Women are in transition so much of their adult life. With 80% of us having a child sometime in our lives, most experience the awkwardness and angst those transitions bring. Unlike men, who typically begin a full-time career just after college without deviating much until retirement, the path for us as women and as mothers may change directions many times as new work and family situations arise.

My goal for www.workandfamilychoices.com is for each of us to make deliberate work and family choices. That means not doing it the way you’ve always done it. It means stepping back once in awhile and making sure you’re focusing on the things most important to you. And, in my experience, it means that with the peace that comes with deliberate choice-making also comes the ability to stop judging the choices of others.